"Father, forgive them … for they know not what they do." - Luke 23:34
Could Jesus say the same to us today? Do we understand what we have done by letting the faith we claim be co-opted by empire? by letting the loudest voices speak hate in God's name? I'm glad I no longer believe we must earn forgiveness else all might truly be lost.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" - Matthew 27:46
I remember being told "If God seems far away, guess who moved?" It wasn't Jesus who moved he followed the path laid out for him by the same God who now felt unreachable Maybe it wasn't me who moved either when darkness felt overwhelming and faith impossible Maybe sometimes it's just hard and that's okay too.
"He said to his mother, 'Woman, behold your son!'' Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother'" - John 19:26-27
Not a biological family but a chosen family a found family a family birthed out of pain A family created nonetheless so no one is left on their own That sounds pretty queer to me
"I thirst" - John 19:28
Hydration, a basic human need we cannot live without and yet, by our actions we take it for granted assume there will always be water to slake our thirst Unless you belong to one of the 38 First Nations in Canada who still have long term drinking water advisories in 2026 or you live in Gaza, or Iran, or the Sudan or … I don't have to wonder what Jesus would think "I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink. … Whatever you did not do for the least of these …"
"Today you will be with me in Paradise" - Luke 23:43
I stopped believing in a literal Hell a long time ago But I no longer know what I believe about "Paradise" Might it still exist? Sure, maybe, but also maybe not And I'm okay with that Jesus isn't my "get out of jail free" card or my fast pass to heaven any more I'd rather spend my time working to see the kingdom of heaven here on earth where all find wholeness and liberation What happens after I die doesn't scare me any more
"It is finished." - John 19:30
But is it? An ending of one thing is often the beginning of a new thing A single human life finished but the task remains both complete and yet ever continuing between the dreaming and the coming true The kingdom of heaven is here and the kingdom of heaven is still to come Or as Fannie Harmer said "Nobody's free until everybody's free." So the work isn't finished yet
"Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." - Luke 23:46
So much trust. Am I capable of that kind of faith anymore? I once aspired to that Felt like it depended on me doing it right believing the correct things But if faith in Christ is also the faith of Christ Then it's not about my faith and trust it's about God's faithfulness and care for us And that sounds more like Divine Love than what I used to believe
What are the words to say a final goodbye to the woman who gave you birth and made you feel like you belonged in a family where you always felt outside of who you were supposed to be
To the woman who was your rock your best friend the person you could talk to for hours on end about everything and nothing
To the woman who taught you what kindness and compassion look like that strength does not have to be angry and loud it can be calm and quiet purposeful, getting things done
To the woman who never once pressured you to give her grandchildren and accepted your understanding of yourself as aunt not mother even though being a mother was a core part of how she saw herself
To the woman who taught you to knit while sitting in the front seat of the car with you in the back seat to crochet right-handed though she crocheted left-handed to cross-stitch to bake and cook and to steal away to find quiet and read romance novels
To the woman who lived out her faith just like she'd seen her own mother do quietly serving welcoming everyone teaching through her actions blooming where she was planted living out a life of love
To the woman who unintentionally left you with voices in your head saying you're not doing enough you're too fat you're too messy but whose arms were always wide open to offer a hug to make you feel at home and loved unconditionally
To the woman you have been grieving for years as the cruelty of dementia stripped away her words her ability to communicate her ability to understand and everything that made her who she was
What are the words to say a final goodbye to your mom?
These are the only ones I have
Thank you for being all of who you were for shaping me into who I am even though there was more complexity to our relationship than I realized before you no longer had words I've always known you wanted the best for me and to know I am loved for all of who I am
There are no words to say a final goodbye to someone whose DNA is intimately intwined with who I am far beyond the realms of our biology
I am my mother's daughter I would not want to be anyone else I cannot say a final goodbye I will carry you with me wrap myself in an afghan crocheted with your love knowing that while you are now physically gone you will always remain you are part of who I am and I would have it no other way
My mom and me. Neither of us appreciate being in front of the camera, but this is the last picture of the two of us together, and I know she was okay with this photo.
My mom died this morning. I’m numb. I’m gutted. I’m relieved. I’m grateful. I’m … I don’t even really know. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the loss is coming, grief is still hard.
I suppose I could have titled this My Mother’s Daughter to make it a pair with the poem I wrote to remember my dad, but our relationships were really different. One things is consistent, I am very much parts of both of them.
What if we stopped holding so tightly to all that has come before?
What if we made space for the divine to dwell with us within us around us beside us underneath us over us?
What if we let ourselves be made new?
Can we even imagine that might be possible?
Because what if it is?
Decided to go back and take a look at things I’ve written during the contemplative spirituality group I’m part of on Monday nights and see what might be ready to find its way out of my notebook. This one was started during Lectio Divina using Revelation 21:1-6 back in July 2023.
Why do so many people feel the need the right to comment on someone else's body or weight?
"Oh, you're looking great! You've lost a lot of weight!"
I shrug. "Maybe. I don't pay attention to such things."
You'd think that would be enough of a clue, a not so subtle hint Let it go. Move on from this but no time to doubled down
"Well, you've lost a lot of weight! Whatever you're doing you look great!" more determined than ever to make their judgement heard
I assume it was meant kindly but please consider what you said and what it says about how you think I used to look and how you will think again about I look in the future if I regain what you have decided makes me somehow better for having lost
Your God is too small my father taught me to see that danger in the faith of others to be willing to rail to speak out to argue to demand space to allow God to be bigger when others made God too small
but how often do I forget I also need a bigger God?
A window at McMenamins Elks Temple Hotel in Tacoma, WA. Photo by karencee
Can I be honest? I don't like the colour orange. Sure, there are places it can spark joy In dancing flames In leaves turned to brilliant fiery hues during the cooling nights of autumn In the happiness of marigolds
But in clothing or decorating? Nope, I just don't get it. Maybe it's growing up in the seventies And I can't help but associate orange with uncomfortable brown polyester pants
And orange shirts in particular? Let's continue with the honesty here I'm not small. I'm not thin. I never have been. And wearing an orange shirt makes me feel like a giant pumpkin despite years of work learning to love the body that is mine, childhood taunts still ring in my ears
Yes, there are options An orange shirt pin An orange accessory to ease my inherent discomfort in wearing an orange shirt
But today is not about me. Today is a reminder of the harm done Today is for honouring those who survived and remembering those who did not.
I have the choice to wear what I choose A choice that was taken away from Phyllis
And so I put aside my discomfort I choose to listen I choose to learn I choose to be open to new ways of seeing and understanding the world I choose not to look away from the harm done and the ways the harm continues to be perpetuated I choose to recognize how I benefit I choose to consider how I can walk more gently on this land that my ancestors settled on without invitation I choose to be grateful for the stewardship of the Anishinaabe and the Haudenosaunee on whose lands I was raised and grew to adulthood oblivious of the history right around me and of the lək̓ʷəŋən Peoples on whose lands I now live, work, play and write as my whole self Today I choose to wear an Orange Shirt
Yes, the federal government has chosen to call it the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, but that’s not how the day started. For thoughts on that change, I’d recomend reading this thread from @OnaagoshinAnang on Twitter.
Beloved whether you can perceive them or not you are not alone keep soaring you are making progress even when you cannot see the destination and all seems covered in fog you know the path it is who you are it is part of your DNA you know where you belong
Written during a contemplative spirituality retreat during a reflective practice called visio divina. It’s similar to lectio divina, but you use an image to focus your attention as you reflect. This was my image and the notebook I wrote in. I do not know who created the image.
With many thanks to Derek Webb. Music has always been part of how I make sense of my world and my faith. As much as I hoped that wasn’t lost forever, it seemed likely that it was until I discovered your music. Thank you for being a complicated person and giving voice to the complexity of life and faith.
Me! Taken by my friend Matt on a trip into San Francisco a couple of weeks ago.
ten years ago I thought I understood the price of hate ten thousand children tossed away in the name of protecting orthodoxy rather than allowing homosexuals to be treated with dignity and equality I couldn't understand that version of christianity concluded I was done never to return but, it made me find my voice take pride in who God created me to be entirely, unashamedly queer
ten years further on... there are micro labels giving details to queer I better understand who I am how I got to 43 before knowing I wasn't straight queer cisgender asexual sapphically-oriented panromantic but still queer
ten years further on... the price of hate grown exponentially our trans and non-binary siblings attacked verbally and physically on a daily basis their lives at risk for living the truth of who they were created to be the charge led by those claiming to speak on behalf of a God defined by love but perverted into fear and hate of everything queer
ten years further on... I've experienced the gift of love unconditional, freely given without expectation of return seeking the flourishing of all I've found faith in God allowing my full self all of my questions all of my doubts all of my queerness without having to hide I've learned there is much more than I was taught evangelical christianity isn't the only understanding liberation for all is possible if your faith is queer
ten years further on ... I am grateful that I didn't know until I was ready until my family could accept who I am until I could accept who I am I am grateful for friends old and new who see me for who I am for chosen family some by biology, most not who love me and see my queerness I am grateful for my family of faith in-person and online richer community than I had ever known because I can be fully queer
Today is ten years since I came out about being queer. I'd only figured it out about 8 months before. It feels both like yesterday and like a lifetime ago. For those who have been part of the journey, thank you. For my partner who I never imagined I would find, I love you and I'm so grateful for you and the delightfully queer family we have created. You will always have my heart. For my chosen family, you know who you are, my life would not be as rich without you. For my queer community of faith, I am so grateful for each and every one of you. I see Jesus in you in every encounter, in person and online. The fruit is real and it is very good. Don't ever doubt that despite what accusations are hurled in hate and fear. For queer elders, both in age and experience, thank you for sharing your wisdom, for fighting for our rights, and seeking to make our world a place where we all can thrive.
Poeming Out 